SELF-LOVE SUNDAY: STOP COMPARING YOURSELF TO OTHERS

09/08/2015



Now, I know that as humans, it is natural to compare ourselves to others, but, let's admit it, it is a habit that does none of us any good. Of course, most of us know this. It seems stupid to compare ourselves to someone who is totally different from us in DNA, appearance and personality, but that doesn't mean we don't. The problem with comparing ourselves with others is that we knock ourselves down for not looking or being like that person too. But, the truth is that we shouldn't be, or want to be like someone else. We are all completely different people, and variation is necessary.

When we compare ourselves to others, we look at their 'versions' of the things that we hate about ourselves. Quite often, our minds trick us into thinking that anyone would look better than we do ourselves. We don't see their imperfections like they do because we don't look into as much detail as their mind does. In reality, we all dislike a part of ourselves and no, we are not perfect. We all have flaws and it is just the way that we are. But, often these flaws are so small that people will barely notice them, only we notice them.

There is not much we can do about our flaws, except learn to deal with being imperfect. That is so important. Of course, we can sometimes change how we look, but this can sometimes cause disaster. For example, in extreme cases, some people may develop eating disorders and become very obsessive of how they look, to change the thing they hate. It is not worth that amount of heart break and mental pain. Eating disorders are not choices but they may be prevented if we can learn to live with imperfections. On the other hand, some times this can result in happiness. For example, when people lose weight and tone up, becoming more body-confident and happier than ever (thankfully me at the moment). I guess the problem is that we fear anyone noticing our imperfections, but truthfully, I am almost certain that it is only us that can see our flaws so prominently.

I say this because there is proof that we don't always see the flaws that other people may see. When our friends say things like 'oh I have a horrible blah blah blah' we almost always can't see what they are talking about. This is often because that flaw isn't actually there. Our minds blow our imperfections right up to make them seem like massive problems, when they really aren't noticeable. We need to begin to look at ourselves and think about what we love about ourselves, instead of the opposite. Yes, that is so much harder to do, but is it impossible? No, it isn't.

We need to train ourselves to look at our own bodies like we would anyone else. When we meet new people, we don't think 'oh look at her big chin' or 'look how big her thighs are', we quite often look straight to the face and think 'wow they are really good looking' or 'aww she's pretty'. Sadly, that's when we go on to compare ourselves to them. Don't you just wish we could stop this before it happens? Like I have said before, if you spent every living hour with someone, you would begin to see their imperfections too. Most people will not see the things that you think are your 'imperfections' because 1) they don't look in such detail or 2) they don't exist (your mind tricks you into thinking they do).

Next time you look at yourself in a mirror, think about one or two things that you love about yourself and keep that in your mind. Smile and then walk away and get on with your day. Learn to be okay with imperfection. It's okay to not be perfect. Try to change the way you feel about yourself, put your little flaws to the back of your mind and concentrate on making yourself more confident, not on bullying yourself into self-hatred. Be kind to yourself, you deserve it!

4 comments

  1. Great article! I like to say, that perfect is just the word itself and it doesn't exist in real world :)
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  2. This is such a lovely post! I totally agree once you stop comparing yourself to others you will start leading a happier live x

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  3. I always love reading anything you post! It makes me so happy and really think and reflect. I bought the book you mentioned in a post about mindfulness, Sane New World, today and it would be almost finished by now if I wasn't saving it for a holiday away from social media for a week. Thank you for everything! Even if you don't realise it you're helping me so much through your blog x

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    1. Aww Jessica, that is so lovely to hear! Thank you for sharing that with me. It really does make me so happy to hear that something I am doing is helping someone; especially someone as lovely and genuine as you. Ah yay, you will love it so so much! Let me know how you get on with it :) Keep smiling honey!

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